Unfinished Business...

If this isn’t the story of my life…

A collection of dreams that once filled my lungs like oxygen
Now feel like the very reason breathing is getting harder.

Ambitions that once gave me reason to live
Have become the very weight that makes living feel heavy.

There was a time when all that mattered
Was being a “starter”—
A cornerstone of every basketball team I touched.

Now, I find myself unable to even press my own start button.
I feel mechanical—
Like a machine navigating routines without purpose.

A machine desperately searching
For meaning both within and beyond itself.

I seek beauty in my surroundings,
But instead, I feel lost.

The fire that once fueled my drive
Is now what burns me the most.

And so, I whisper to myself:
Dream again. Hope again. Try again.
But… at what cost?

We are taught to dream,
But who teaches us how to mourn the dreams that never come true?

On the brightest of days,
My skies are overcast.

Even when everything—
And I do mean everything—appears fine,
I must remind myself that I am fine.

I am fine.
Jess, you are fine.

But why does it feel like the list of things that spark joy
Keeps getting shorter?

Like winter turning to fall—
For once, I want to rise into my calling.

I want to discover a new “thing”—
One that makes me proclaim, with no hesitation,
“I’m all in.”

With truth. With hunger. With power. With heart.
Without the mask.

Without pretending to love something
That I’m secretly counting down the days to leave behind.

I want to soar—
Not simply survive.
I want to find safety in friendship—
Real, unshakable, uplifting community.

I want to be more than just present.
I want to be valued—an asset.
A backbone. A whole person.

A meaningful connection.

And that… that would mean everything to me—
To feel free.

Free from the weight of boxes left unchecked.
From the silent grief of goals unmet.

Because even if I never reach every dream I mapped out—
I will have built something that matters.

Bonds that held strong
Through what felt unbearable, unyielding, and unsolvable.

I will have loved—and been loved.
Inspired—and been inspired.

Given—and received.
Freely. Fiercely. Tenderly. Truthfully.

 

Love Always,

Jessica Ogunnorin